Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
