There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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