ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
