I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
