This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
