Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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