She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
