did you get engaged???
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
