just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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