:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
