TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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