whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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