what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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