Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
