her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
