Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
