Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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