And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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