Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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