I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
