Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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