jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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