can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
