Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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