When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
