I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh god it's open bar.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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