You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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