girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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