Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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