Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
