Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
