I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
