Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
