OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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