We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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