I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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