it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize