You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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