I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
