All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
