Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
