No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
