I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
