gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
