Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
