when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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