apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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