There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
