i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have post one night stand depression
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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