I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
