Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
