There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
