I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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