why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got inside last night via doggy door
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
