I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He? As in you personified your dick?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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