He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
