Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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