Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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