I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
