I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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