In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When are your genitals available?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
