He is an equal opportunity slut.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
