Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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