How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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