I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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