He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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