fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No subtext here. People are naked.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
