If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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