I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
