Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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