Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
